Husband Refuses to Get a ‘Real Job’ for a Decade, Insisting His Bankrupt Business Will Make Money One Day, So His Wife Leaves Him

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. Supporting and being supported by your partner are crucial aspects to any healthy relationship. You should be able to make decisions together, come to agreements, and move forward amicably and respectfully. Support is accepting your partner, but within reason. Of course, there are many things that can't be supported, because at the end of the day, you still have to take care of yourself. If your livelihood is threatened by your partner's decisions, it could be time to say goodbye. 

This brings us to the Reddit thread. This woman is with a man who truly believes in his business, but in almost a decade of running it, has gotten it nowhere. She's selflessly worked tirelessly and unpaid to support his business, and  try to see him happy. After all this time, she doesn't see anything come out of her efforts. His retort: 'you're not being supportive.' Supportive of what, financial fraud? The absolute temerity of some people. 

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  • 01
    TWO HOT TAKE r/TwoHotTakes • 3 days bawesome8 AITA for wanting to leave my partner of 8.5 years.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 02
    This is my first ever time posting, I'm a little scared that my partner and/or his children will find this, but fingers crossed. This is kind of long, I don't know how these things work or how long I should make it.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 03
    Here's the synopsis: I'm F/43 no kids, my partner M/48 - 3 bio- kids and I have been together for 8.5 years, engaged for 6.5 years. I helped him build a business, that failed, why did it fail, a number of factors, one can't really point a finger in one direction or another, it was opened right before Covid happened and before the world shut down.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 04
    Anyhow, I worked for the business for basically no pay, I believe there was one year which I was paid, and I'm talking like 30 hrs. a week on top of my 40 hours a week full-time job. I just want to give you perspective that I did help him start/run his business, but never made any of the large business decisions such
    via u/bawesome8
  • 05
    as where money went. I believe I tried to support him the best I could by being overworked. I did breakdown several times, asking him for assistance or for him to hire someone to help me but this went on deaf ears most of the time. Saying he didn't have it in the budget.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 06
    The business debts started piling up, and up and up. I could see this because I helped with the books, as in I used the university of google to help do the books, one of my many tasks.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 07
    Over a year ago, I told him we should shut the company down, bankrupt it, not the best option, but the business was starting to drown in debt, not just a little either, like government debt that needs to be paid.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 08
    I've had conversations with him over the last 1.5 years suggesting we close up and he get a job so we know how much money is coming in and out of our personal accounts and can budget, there was always some excuse. He also told me I didn't support him, and was abandoning him. Please keep in
    via u/bawesome8
  • 09
    mind I have a full-time job throughout all of this.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 10
    His common excuses are for not getting a "real" non-entrepreneur job are: what you just want me to work at a grocery store? what you don't believe in me? you want me to be miserable? I'm going to sell another job and it will help us moving forward.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 11
    oh and the business bank account was shut down by the government for unpaid taxes. What actually happened was he opened a new company, without shutting the one in crazy debt, he's again not following guidelines for anything other than cashing cheques and has opened a new bank account.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 12
    Now, in the meantime, 6 months ago, I went and got a part-time job to work evenings and weekends to try and help with bills. I was stupid and guaranteed a bunch of business loans, so now to save myself from wage garnishment I am going to be bankrupting myself, and he keeps saying, hold on, i have another job coming.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 13
    I had a breakdown in front of him before begging him to just get a job anywhere so that we can have some stability and we can actually plan our future out. Still nothing, I've broken down a few times,
    via u/bawesome8
  • 14
    He's told me that he is depressed, (he hasn't said it in awhile), and that I'm the only thing holding him together etc. I've offered him therapy and counselling, not by me, but I have free counselling through my work and he has refused every time.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 15
    I've helped raise his kids 17, 15 and 12. To the point where if they want something they ask me not him. I've treated his children as if they were my own, and I get the respect of none of them, perhaps that's the teenager phase. But he won't assist me when the one who lives with us doesn't do his chores, or doesn't come home, or
    via u/bawesome8
  • 16
    doesn't tell us where he is going. (The oldest lives with us). The other two, I would like to be more involved with, but their mother has an issue with me, i wish we could have been friends, but my partner hates his ex, so that's a no.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 17
    I broke down in-front of friends about 1 month ago, most of them had no idea what stress | was under, I did have some left- handed lettuce, so I want you to know I was not sober. I told my friends that everything was bad, financially we were drowning, I was working 7 days a week every single week, he was still "selling" jobs, he works in renovations and
    via u/bawesome8
  • 18
    refused to just get a "traditional" job or even the one he is a tradesperson for, instead he opened another business, is in a deficit, so think " borrowing from Peter to pay Paul" kind of thing, and is now also playing around in the stock market with other peoples money.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 19
    My friends were adamant that I have to leave. That he is showing some narcissitic (sp.) traits and that I should seek therapy, but above all, I have two friends telling me to leave. This came as a shock. I thought I was the one with the issue, like I wasn't taking enough anxiety medication or something. I've been blaming everything on Peri-menopause,
    via u/bawesome8
  • 20
    my emotions, my anxiety etc. I've been to two therapy sessions now, and my therapist on the first session told me in no uncertain terms to leave via no contact. So, AITA if I just pack up and leave?
    via u/bawesome8
  • 21
    I don't' know why I'm asking the internet this. I have most people in my life telling me to leave. I'm scared of pulling the trigger sort of thing, like if I actually book a moving pod, or start packing my stuff then I'm committed to giving up this life I have. I know this is something I need therapy to deal with, and I will continue with my therapist. I just have an
    via u/bawesome8
  • 22
    extreme amount of guilt, thinking I didn't try hard enough, didn't support him enough. I guess I just want to know what people think.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 23
    UPDATE: Thank you everyone! | appreciate all of you who responded, even the ones that gave me harsh words. I needed those as well as the nice ones. I don't know why I asked the internet, but I did because it was the last thing I needed to do, to really see if the world saw it this way, I've been gaslit for so long I believe the BS.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 24
    UPDATE: I have called family finally, and I have a place. UPDATE: I left.. grabbed what I could and left. It was horrendous what happened after. He threatened to hurt himself several times. I called police who took him to the hospital. I haven't spoken to him or texted him back he was able to reach me through social media.
    via u/bawesome8
  • 25
    Embarrassed-Car6... 3d ago The thing is you have done way too much and you have nothing to show for it. He wasted your time and talent. He used you and you allowed it. The best thing that came out of this, you are not legally married to this man.
    via u/Embarrassed-Car6
  • 26
    I think you know that this relationship is dead and probably has been for a long time. You just don't love yourself enough to want better for yourself. If you stay, things will remain the same. He's not going to change. If you leave, you get to live your life on your terms.
    via u/Embarrassed-Car6
  • 27
    DemidiaXI • 3d ago He is going to completely ruin you. He's going to ruin you mentally, physically, and monetarily. Please leave to protect yourself.
    via u/DemidiaXI

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